Essay: A Message about Loving One Another

Posted on May 6, 2010

[Note: This "essay" was originally written for a message I gave at my church based on John 13:31-35, the Gospel reading for May 2, 2010. My pastor was away at a continuing education program and asked me to speak to the our congregation during worship. I'm not a preacher, so this is not a sermon. Rather, it is my interpretation and thoughts about the scripture passage. Your feedback is welcome.]

31When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. 32If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. 33Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ 34I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. 35By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

There have been times when I have had to go somewhere and leave my son behind. Kyle is now four years old, so he’s well beyond the separation anxiety of a baby, when tears and screaming can erupt whenever Mommy just disappears into the next room. But even though my son has reached the point where most of the time he couldn’t care less about my departures, leaving him behind is still something I try to prepare him for. For example, if my mother comes to sit with him while I go to an appointment or shopping or whatever, there are several things I might say to Kyle before I leave: “I’ll be back soon. Be a good boy. Don’t forget to say please and thank you. I love you.” For some reason, these brief everyday reminders take on added significance when I know I’m not going to be there with him for a while — for example, if I will be away overnight. So I want to be sure I have his attention as I say my parting words and I want to hear him say, “Okay, Mommy, I will be good,” etc. Because I feel these things I’m telling him are important for him to remember. How successful he is at remembering and behaving accordingly is somewhat of a mystery to me. All his doting grandma ever reports is that he was nothing less than a perfect little angel. I know better. Today’s Gospel reading is the very beginning of a rather long conversation between Jesus and his disciples in the hours immediately preceding Jesus’ arrest — essentially, Jesus is giving them his parting words. Biblical scholars have sort of named these chapters 13-17 of John’s Gospel the “farewell discourse.” It’s Jesus’ last opportunity to teach the disciples before he is taken away to his death. And there are some important things he wants them to understand and remember, things that we as modern-day followers of Jesus also need to give our attention.

Chapter 13 finds Jesus and his disciples in Jerusalem, having their last meal together (of course, only Jesus knows this will be the Last Supper). This is the same gathering during which Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. We remembered these events on Maundy Thursday of Holy Week. I think it is worth reviewing and reflecting on some of the events of this pivotal evening so that we can consider Jesus’ parting words in context. After the foot washing, Ch. 13 verse 21 says Jesus was “troubled in spirit” and he announces very directly that one of the disciples is going to betray him. The disciples, especially Peter, are puzzled by this statement and are wondering, “What is Jesus talking about? Who is going to betray him?” In answering Jesus is even more direct and says, in effect, “Okay, I have this piece of bread and I’m going to dip it into this dish and then the person I hand the bread to is the one who is going to betray me.” And then Jesus does exactly that: he dips the bread in the dish and hands it right to Judas Iscariot. And Jesus then tells Judas, “Do quickly what you are going to do.” You might think this would have erased all questions and doubts as to who would be the betrayer, but verse 28, says this: “Now no one at the table knew why he said this to him.” On the one hand, it seems that Jesus is very straightforward and I wondered why none of the disciples picked up on the fact that Jesus revealed Judas as the betrayer. But then I got to thinking more about this scene. I realized that there are at least 13 people (possibly more) gathered in the room and they are finishing a meal. I assume the men are at least a little spread out and, as would be the case with any dinner party or family gathering of this size, I think it is likely that there is more than one conversation taking place around the table. In fact, the scripture says that Peter motions to the disciple sitting next to Jesus to urge the other disciple to find out from Jesus who Jesus is talking about. Maybe Peter was not close enough to pose the question himself. Maybe some of the disciples are still whispering among themselves about the foot washing Jesus did and are trying to figure out what that was all about. Perhaps some of them are still focused on eating and drinking. I can’t know for sure because the passage doesn’t fill in these details.

The disciples did hear Jesus tell Judas to leave, but verse 29 explains that they don’t know why Judas was sent off and that some of them can only speculate that Judas was being sent to buy supplies or to give some money to the poor — which are tasks that Judas as the group’s treasurer of sorts might be expected to carry out. At any rate, Judas leaves immediately and that brings us to verse 31, the beginning of today’s Gospel, which starts “When he had gone out … .” The “he” is Judas who has left to carry out his betrayal of Jesus by leading the soldiers and police to Jesus in the garden so that they can arrest Jesus. At this point, Jesus knows time is running out and he tells his disciples so: “I am with you only a little longer.” Notice that he addresses them rather tenderly as “little children.” To me, this is another reflection of Jesus’ tremendous love for his disciples — he speaks to them like a devoted parent getting ready to go away and trying to gently prepare his beloved little ones for the inevitable and difficult parting. I also think, however, that Jesus may be acknowledging their naivete — like children, the disciples are somewhat innocent and trusting and do not seem to recognize the danger lurking around the corner. Like any small child, they want to keep holding on, to feel safe and loved and secure with him, and Jesus has to tell them that they cannot go with him. They have to stay behind. They really have no idea what is about to happen, yet Jesus knows exactly what is coming and he knows it’s coming soon. These are the events and circumstances that lead up to Jesus’ “farewell discourse.”

Jesus’ first point regards his relationship of complete unity with God the Father — “the Son of Man has been glorified and God has been glorified in him.” I feel this is Jesus’ way of trying to explain to his disciples that what they are about to experience, which is going to be horrible and painful for all of them — namely, Jesus’ arrest, crucifixion, and death — will ultimately become the perfect expression of God’s love for humanity. That is the glory of it. God loves us and because of His love and His desire for us to be united with Him He sent Jesus. Through Jesus and his suffering, death, and resurrection, we have been given the assurance that we who believe will have eternal life with God. The most famous verse from the Gospel of John, 3:16, arguably the best-known words from the entire New Testament, sums this up: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” Of course, whether the disciples were able to grasp this teaching at this point in time is debatable, I think. I’m sure they had different expectations for how the evening would end. That is something I find moving and tragic: despite Jesus’ efforts to prepare his friends for what is to come, these men and also the women who followed Jesus remained unprepared and were somewhat blindsided.

The next point, in verse 33, that Jesus makes is that he is going to be separated from them: “Where I am going, you cannot come.” And that brings in the “new” commandment: “Love one another.” The entirety of Jesus’ ministry has been to love. He loves these disciples and he has shown great love for everyone whose life he has touched, whether by his mercy, his acts of healing, forgiveness of sins, etc. And now that he is getting ready to leave he commands the disciples that he has loved to in turn love one another as a way of continuing his work in his absence. He is leaving them with instructions, an assignment. But notice that he doesn’t “suggest” or “ask” or “recommend” that they love one another — he commands it. The expectation of obedience is there. I did a quick search of the Gospels, using an online searchable Bible, and, based on what I found, this seems to be about the only time Jesus introduces his teaching by directly saying “I command you to do this.” He is framing “Love one another” as a commandment, and its central importance is proven by the fact that Jesus restates this commandment almost word for word in Chapter 15, verse 12: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” Jesus knows that in his absence there will be incredible turmoil and the only way the disciples will survive it to carry on is by supporting, nurturing, and caring for one another just as he has always supported, nurtured, and cared for them. This attitude of love is one of the most important things he wants them to remember. But it’s not only for the sake of their survival, it’s ultimately for the sake of the entire mission, as Jesus says in verse 35: “By this [LOVE] everyone will know that you are my disciples … .” Love is to be the defining characteristic of Jesus’ followers. People should be able to look on these disciples and see first and foremost that they love one another. Seeing that obvious and overt love, everyone will recognize that group as representatives of Jesus. His followers. The people he taught. Reflections of him. Missionaries. A New Testament commentary I ran across online put it this way: “[T]heir love for one another is part of God’s missionary strategy, for such love is an essential part of the unity they are to share with one another and with God; it is by this oneness of the disciples in the Father and the Son that the world will believe that the Father sent the Son.” In other words, love is a primary essential element for evangelism.

The implications of this commandment for us, as Jesus’ followers in this age, are critical. We modern Christians are also unified with one another, with Jesus, and through him with God the Father, and we also have been charged with continuing to carry out Jesus’ mission. So we also are commanded to love one another for the sake of that mission so that when others look on us they will first see that love and then conclude that we must be followers of Jesus. And hopefully decide they want to follow Jesus as well. Most of us are familiar with the song that goes, “They’ll know we are Christians by our love.” Unfortunately, despite the lyrics we sing, we often fall short. We so often fail to love. It isn’t always easy. People can be complicated, frustrating, even hateful to us. Personally, I think that’s why Jesus was deliberate in giving this instruction as a commandment. It had to be commanded because it is not automatic. We have to work at it — Jesus never had to work at it.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if we could send someone out on the street to interview passersby about their impressions of Christians? Imagine that Jay Leno brought his show to downtown Willoughby and he decided to stop some people on their way out of the Arabica coffeehouse and ask them the following questions: “How do you recognize Christians? How can you tell who is a follower of Jesus?” What kinds of answers do you think people would give? It probably would depend on whether the person being interviewed identified himself/herself as a Christian. But what answers would the non-Christians give? How many do you think would answer something like this: “Well, the way I can tell someone is a follower of Jesus is from the obvious way they show love to other people. That’s a dead giveaway!” Wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear that answer? Wouldn’t it be awesome to see someone on late night television in front of a camera expressing that to the world? Of course, that would be ideal — and that should be our goal: showing the world how to love. However, I’m afraid there would likely be some less then desirable answers given.

• For example, “Christians are judgmental. They are always telling me that if I don’t live like they live and believe what they believe then I am going straight to hell.”

• Or, “Christians? Christians only care about making money. Every time I see a Christian on TV they’re asking for my money.”

• What about this: “All Christians do is argue among themselves. I mean, they have all these different kinds of churches and even different kinds of Bibles. They can’t even agree what their religion is all about. Each group has different rules and ideas … so who’s right??”

• Think about this one: “My Christian friend tells me all about the people in her church that can’t get along with one another. There’s always some disagreement or personality conflict in that church. Christians pretend they are better than everyone else, but they’re just hypocrites.”

• Here’s one that I’ve heard: “Christians are phony. They pretend to be friendly and interested in me as a person, but I know all they want from me is to become part of their group. Sometimes it seems like they expect to get bonus points with God if I join their church.”

I have been known to shout at my television when Christians appear on the news or a talk show or something like that and behave in a very unloving and, frankly, embarrassing manner. I know no one is perfect — everyone makes mistakes — I certainly do. I fail to be loving toward others the way Jesus loves me. I fail at that a lot. I’m impatient and overly sensitive and I can be very judgmental. I have times when I feel very selfish — I don’t want to be loving. I just want to do my own thing. My way. Someone hurts me and I don’t want to forgive them. I want them to suffer my displeasure for a while. I am a Christian, but I am still a sinner. That’s why I need forgiveness. I need Jesus to heal my soul and continue to teach me how to be his disciple, how to put aside my interests and focus on loving God first and then loving others. That means loving everyone. Even — maybe especially — the people on TV who make me scream. That’s why this Gospel is so important. Christians of all different traditions need to be reminded again and again and again that God loves us, He forgives our sins, and that we have been commanded by Jesus to love and forgive one another. Through that love we can touch others and help them find their own way to Christ. Because love is attractive and contagious. Jesus meant for the world to see something pure and good about his disciples and to be drawn in, to want to have what his followers have. But without that kind of contagious love, we simply cannot be effective in spreading the Good News. Because no one will be interested. They won’t want what we claim to have because it’ll sound like just another empty sales pitch. As the Bible commentary I read states: “The community is to continue to manifest God as Jesus has done, thereby shining as a light that continues to bring salvation … . Without this love their message of what God has done in Christ would be hollow.” [InterVarsity Press NT commentary -- biblegateway.com] I am struck by the use of the word “hollow.” Something that is hollow is just an outside form, or shell, with no substance inside it. That is not how I want to present the very wonderful and substantial message of what God has done in Christ. I don’t want it all to ring hollow. Do you?

Loving others is not always easy. We have struggles with our family members, friends, co-workers. There can be misunderstandings and disagreements with fellow church members. Complete strangers shout filthy insults at us or cut us off in traffic or violently attack us. Someone cheats us or takes advantage or steals from us. People live and behave in ways that we find offensive or disgusting. And yet if we want to be witnesses to the Good News, there will be occasions when we have to hold our tongues, keep our tempers in check, turn the other cheek, and maybe even go a step or two further and be welcoming, helpful, kind, generous, and gracious. Even when we don’t feel like doing that. That is the mark of a Christian — not just someone who claims to belong to a particular church and subscribe to a particular set of beliefs, but a person who, despite their human frailty and imperfection, strives always to love God and follow Jesus’ commandment to love others as he has loved us.

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